Old and out of touch

Well I realize my husband is officially old :) - but I didn't realize I was too. It's like we woke up one day and we were old and out of touch. Or maybe it has been sneaking up on us and we didn't realize it...

We bought a laptop this weekend. Oh. My. Goodness. It is like a new language! The kid at Best Buy (yes, I swear he was 12 working there!) was trying to explain everything to us. I'd shake my head in agreement - and then admit I had no clue what he just said.

But we bought it anyway, thinking - "how different will it be, really?" When we got home and took it out of the box, we sat there and looked at it. We couldn't figure out how to open the laptop! We were trying to open it from the wrong end and couldn't figure out what those hinges were doing there. I am not even kidding. I wish I was. When we realized what we were doing, we admitted our stupidity and had a good laugh. But I think we were both secretly sad that we have reached this point already....

It has Windows 7 and I have no idea how to get my e-mail! Everything looks completely different. Not saying I don't like change - but couldn't they just tweak things instead of completely changing them?

Sigh. I never thought I'd be as stupid as I thought my mother was when I was a teenager. I don't even have teens yet - but I think I have reached official stupid status.

Imagine how stupid I'll be by the time my kids are teenagers. I can only imagine.

Oh no, the big 4-0!

I'm not sure I even want to say it outloud, but as of today I am married to a 40 year old man. Gasp! ha. The good news is - he's only getting better with age :)

To celebrate, we had a party for him yesterday. He was a bit nervous when I first told him I wanted to have a party. For his 30th, I had a surprise party for him. He promised me he'd divorce me if I ever did that to him again. So no more surprises!! But he didn't know what I was up to this time - and that made him nervous. He knew (and approved) the guest list (very small), but beyond that I told him to let me have a few surprises for him.

I didn't want to do anything depressing. No black balloons or prune juice! So I did a "through the decades" theme with bright colors and fun props.



I set up things from each decade, including fun facts, 'props', and pictures of Joe during that time.

The 70's. The little disco ball works. Little lights shine up on it. Great dollar store find! Mood rings. Paint your own pet rocks. An 8-track tape. (Not in picture but I did set it out later.) Some of Joe's childhood toys. Tie-dye TShirt.







The 80's. Rubik's cubes. Jelly bracelets. Old baseball cards. Trivial Pursuit. Ms. PacMan. Cassette tapes. Michael Jackson Thriller album. (Forgot to put it in the picture before taking the pic!) His high school varsity jacket.





The 90's. Our wedding picture. Blue M&M's. (Who knew blue M&M's aren't that old?!?) Snapple. VHS tape. Floppy disk. Wheaties box. CD. College stuff. Flannel for that grunge look.





The 00's. Text acronyms. Sudoku puzzles. Tattoos. A (mini) croc. 40 Sucks lollies. DVD's. Disney picture. Newspaper for the background - because it seemed like there was a lot of bad news in the 00's! Stock market crash, etc. Yuck. Researching that decade for the fun facts didn't make me happy. ha.





Emma told me we couldn't have a birthday party without balloons so she picked out some. This one sings, it is hysterical! I have never seen a singing balloon. You hit it and it sings - just like when you open the singing cards. We were hysterical.



The kids and I set everything up while Joe was at football yesterday morning. It was hard for them to wait for him to come home!



When he came home, he saw his surprise - and he really liked it! He said, "Thanks! This is way better than a surprise party!" Point noted. ha.



We had a dinner party. Afterwards, we had a champagne toast. My man is worth toasting!

I had CD's playing randomly from all 4 decades - so we had to have a dance party in the living room. (One of our favorite past-times!) There were 6 kids and 4 adults (Joe and I and our closest friends from college) dancing around - the other adults were too grown up to dance with us. ha. Too bad we don't have any pictures - I'm sure we looked fun :)

The props did become a part of the party. We played some trivial pursuit. The kids painted rocks. We all tried on the mood rings. The M&Ms were gone - they may not melt in the hands but they sure turn the mouth blue! We tried to figure out the texting acronyms - and didn't do too well. You know you're old when..... ha!

Glad we have reason to celebrate! What a great husband and father. Happy Birthday, my old man! I love you!!!

So that's what they're scared of!

I often wonder what goes through my kids' minds at night. They'll sometimes wake up crying but can't remember what they were dreaming about. Emma finally remembered.

In the middle of the night, I awoke to "Mommy! I had a bad dream!"
"What was it sweetheart?"
"It was really REALLY bad!"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Yes. There was a really bad seal at the zoo!"

Oh. Huh... Well, you know how bad those seals can be!!

My emotions runneth over

Well, I have lost track of counting the days. I'm not sure how long it has been since we were first told that a birthmother picked us - and then changed her mind. It seems like it has been an eternity. But I know reality says it has only been a few weeks. What a draining few weeks it has been.

When we first got the call, I was surprised. Then happy. Then cautious. (When I thought she may change her mind.) Then excited! (When I thought of a baby in this house!) Then anxious. (When she wasn't returning the agency's calls.)

Then we got the 2nd call. The bad news call. I was joyful. Seriously joyful. I had seen God work - quickly and deliberately. I had been praying that we would just know one way or the other. Answered prayer! I had been praying that if she would change her mind she would do it beforehand. Answered prayer! I was just so awed at God's quick answer.

I realized contentment. I began to really dote on our kids. I mean REALLY dote. Loving them up and down, kissing them like there is no tomorrow, cuddling like crazy. Saying "I love you" a million times a day. Overboard, really. Because I realized (again!) how blessed we are to have them. God had to orchestrate a LOT for them to be a part of our family. Thank you for these blessings!

But then the sadness came. I had let myself go there. I had pictured a baby in our house. In our family. Things seemed so right. There were too many 'coincidences' that made me think this could be our child. (I don't believe in coincidences - I believe in God-incidences.) I started thinking about our lives with a little one joining us. All that - gone. Within just a few short days. Dreams were shattered. Gone.

Then empathy crept in. I cannot stop thinking about this birthmother. I find myself praying for her all the time. I mean - all the time. I don't know that much about her, but what the agency told us... I just can't imagine what her life must be like. How confused and lost she must be. I've never met her - and yet she has a part of my heart and a ton of my thoughts. Honestly, I am surprised at how much I think about her and pray for her.

Sometimes I feel doubtful. Will we get picked again? We're not spring chickens anymore. I'm sure some birthmothers are young enough to be our daughter. Why would a birthmother want old birds like us to parent a child?

Jealousy. Oh I hate it when jealousy rears its ugly head. Some people want a child and *poof* they get pregnant. Others probably shouldn't have a child - and are yelling and screaming at their dirty barefoot child in Walmart. I hate that I become judgemental like that. I really do. And I find myself fighting this jealousy - after all, we want more kids too, it doesn't seem fair....

I try to shut down my emotions by thinking of something completely unrelated and mindless. In my head, I've remodeled my kitchen, painted the bathroom, and refurnished my family room. Dreamed of a second honeymoon. And thought about eating chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

But through it all, I have not lost my faith. Not sure if this is a head-heart struggle. But I know - I KNOW! - that God is good. He has plans for our family and He is not going to give our child to anyone else. Nor is He going to give us a child that isn't supposed to be ours. I know that God works in ALL situations and sometimes it isn't even about me. I know God never wastes a hurt. And I realize we're not the only ones involved here.

But I also know that I do feel sad. I do feel let down. I do feel disappointed. My emotions have been raw and all over the place. And my analytical mind wants to know "why?".

But my heart says, "It's okay. Having faith isn't about knowing why. It's about trust." And I do trust God. With every ounce of my being.

And so I guess I'll pick up my emotional pieces and wait to see what God has planned. I'm not sure it will be easy and emotion-free. But I do know that it will be worth it in the end!

The words I never wanted to hear

I picked up Emma from her 2nd day of preschool today. She came running and gave me a big hug. I said, "How was school today?" and she said, "It was really good!"

Then she said, "Mommy, I didn't really miss you that much while I was at preschool today because I was too busy having too much fun."

My heart broke in two and fell on the floor. Not that I want her to be one of those kids who are crying and won't let their mom go. (Well, maybe just once. HA!) But come on, kid. Throw me a bone here!!!

Well, at least she couldn't step on my heart while it was on the floor since she ran into my arms and I picked her up and she snuggled up with me ;)

Maybe she missed me just a bit. Maybe???

Emma's first day of school

Emma had her first day of preschool today. When Luke went to preschool, he seemed so old. Emma still doesn't seem old enough to be going to school!



She was so excited. She couldn't wait to get there.





Wait, wait! I mean, shouldn't you be clinging to my leg? Crying? Holding my hand? Something?!?!?

What? You're a big girl and you don't need me and you will be just fine??!! Okay. Sigh.



You're sure you'll be okay? You're sure? Do you need one more kiss?? Another hug?? No?!?!? You're already sitting down with the other kids???



Well, I guess I'll go shopping and see you in a couple hours, baby girl. I need to buy some kleenex :)

Anticipation is always the worst part....

I was not looking forward to today - the dreaded first day of homework for Luke. Last year was a total nightmare with homework. He'd throw himself down on the ground, cry hysterically and say he'd never be able to do it because it was too hard. Once he eventually got self control (sometimes after an hour or more!), he'd get it done in just a few minutes. I don't get that. I really don't. It would be one thing if he really wasn't able to do it...

Anyway. He came home after school, had a snack and watched a few minutes of TV. He wanted to go outside to play but I said, "Let's get homework done first." A bit of drama. "It's too much, I'll never get it done!" And I said, "Let's just try."

We opened his folder, he took a deep breath and said, "I can do it." I said, "Yes, baby, you can. Keep self-control. You can do it!"

A couple times, he could tell he was getting close to losing self-control so he took a deep breath and said, "I can do it...." I encouraged him.

Soon - and I mean soon! Yippee! - he was done. All done. He said, "Is that it?" and I said, "Yes! You're done!" And he said, "Really? Wow, that wasn't that much. I wish I had MORE HOMEWORK tonight!"

I put it in caps because I still can't believe it! More homework?!? Who is this kid??? ha.

So my anticipation - and his - really was the worst part this time. Whew. I'm hoping for the same thing every day from now on :)

The best birthday present ever

Joe is going to be 40 in a few weeks. Shhhh...don't tell anyone :) Today I asked Emma, "What do you think we should get daddy for his birthday? Let's think of a really good present, one he will really love!"

She thought for a second and said, "I know, mommy! Boy Skechers that light up!"

My man is going to look mighty fine running across the football field with his feet lighting up. You watch, all the kids he coaches are going to be doing it pretty soon too.

Now where do I find his size? Hum....