The worst words ever - don't you DARE say them!

Luke got off the bus today and said, "Mommy, someone said the S word to me."

Now I learned a long time ago that these things are never what I expect so I stay calm and ask questions.

"They did? What is the S word?"

"You don't know?"

"Nope."

"Oh my gosh, I can't say it. It's so bad!"

"It's okay, honey, we can talk about anything."

"You really want me to say it?"

"Yes, it's okay. Just say it to me."

Emma's ears perk up.

"I can't say it in front of her, she's too little."

"Emma", I say, "Go ahead up to the house."

She pretends to move out of earshot.

"The S word is... it is..... well, actually, it's the C word. Do you know that one?"

"Nope."

"Mommy! I can't believe you don't know this stuff! Okay, mommy, if you're sure, I'll say it. The C word is.... (long pause)... stupid."

"Except stupid starts with S, Luke."

"I don't know why, mommy, but the really bad words don't start with the right letters. Stupid really is the C word."

"Oh...." I say, trying not to bust out laughing. "That is really bad, Luke."

"I know. And do you want to know the S word? It's way worse than the C word."

"Oh my, it is?"

"Yes! The S word is - (long pause again) Ssss.... C-Russ."

"C-Russ?"

"Yep. C-Russ."

"What does that mean?"

"Mommy! I can't believe you don't know all these bad words. C-Russ means you don't love God. That's the really really bad word, mommy! You don't EVER want to say that one. Do you want to know another bad word?"

He is having way too much fun teaching me all these things and his face is now radiating pure excitement.

"Okay."

"Oooooo.... I don't know if I can say it. It's the really really REALLY bad one."

"You can tell me anything, Luke."

"It's the W word, mommy. Do you know the W word?"

"No, what's the W word?"

"The W word is chicken. It means your hips are really wide and your butt rips apart."

He lets out a big sigh. "Oh man, mommy! I sure am glad Emma didn't hear all that, whew! She is MUCH too young to know all that." And he walks in the house, quite proud of his vocabulary.