Tuesday, April 27, 2010

So close yet so far away....

Luke had a hockey game tonight. He's had them every Tuesday for a few months now. This is his first time playing - and it has showed! We are pretty sure he is the only one on his team with no experience. But as the weeks have gone on, he has gotten tough! He is in there, getting his stick in on the action. Still sometimes getting mixed up on where he should be - but overall, he has come a long way in a short time. One of the dads said to us tonight, "Luke has really gotten good! He's gonna get a goal, I just know it. Maybe tonight is his night!"

Funny he said that because today I was singing a song to Luke - sing it with me - "Tonight's gonna be a good night. Tonight you're gonna get a goal!"

I am not kidding when I say he was SO CLOSE! A few times he was right there but it didn't go in. One time he had an assist - but the goal didn't count because there was a penalty. Drat! Next week is the last game before playoffs start. I am hopeful :)

And yes, in case you're wondering, I am one of those crazy hockey moms. This dad didn't even have to ask which one was my son. I guess I scream loud enough for everyone to hear. Whoops!

In a few years, Luke would be embarrassed beyond belief with my screams, "Luke, honey, get down there, you've got it! Good job, baby!" But for now, he loves every minute of it. When I was singing my song to him today, he asked me "Mommy, if I do score a goal, will you come out and hug me?" I said, "Sweetie, I can't, I'll get in trouble with the ref - I can't go out there while you are playing." He answered, "Awwww, come on!" So I told him he could come over and high five me. He figured that was an okay compromise.

Come to think of it, what's the worst that could happen if a crazy hockey mom jumps the walls and goes to give her baby a hug when he finally scores a goal? Hmmmmm...........

Monday, April 26, 2010

Calm my anxious heart

Our 7 year old has anxiety. It is so difficult to watch him be so anxious all the time. It exhausts me; I can only imagine how he feels. We have no official diagnosis - but after talking with his teachers, his doctors, and just plain watching him, I am quite sure. How sad.

Homework is a complete nightmare every night. Crying hysterically - "I'll never do it, it is too hard. It is too much homework!" and then once he gets self control and calms down (after WAY too much time has gone by), he completes it in 5 minutes flat.

Worrying about whether he will get all his toys put away in time to get a snack and a story at bedtime. As he sits there crying about it instead of just putting the toys away.

Worrying about what the kids at school think about him. Worrying about what his teachers think about him. Worrying if he will ever read chapter books. Worry worry worry.

Part of me wonders how a 7 year old could have so much to worry about. I mean, he doesn't have to worry about paying bills, what's going on in the world, or being a parent! Aren't those things really worry-able???

And part of me wonders what's really going on inside his head. How much of this is attributed to his background? Does he have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Is he worried that he didn't have anyone - or anything - for the first 3 years of his life? Is he anxious because his needs weren't met for so long before we adopted him? I'm not sure he remembers much about being in the orphanage but surely, that will stay with him for the rest of his life - even if it is subconscious.

I really don't know how much to attribute to his past, or how much is just the way he was created, or how much is being 7.

If only I could get into his head and then I would know exactly how to help him. What is he really thinking? What is he really feeling? What help does he really need?

I ask alot of people for their opinions - professional or otherwise. We encourage him alot. But at the end of the day, all I really have is prayer. And I know that is more than enough. And so I cover him in prayer. Every day.

Update: We used a timer for homework tonight. It worked! We set it for 5 minute intervals and he didn't cry and wasn't anxious! Yahooey!!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Bugs bugs everywhere

With spring comes bugs. In our house we didn't wait for spring. In the last 6 months, we have been on bug overload around here. Since October, we have battled strep 3 times, swine flu, pneumonia, and bronchitis. More than our share of runny noses and coughs too.

But in the last 2 days, we have battled brand new bugs. Since yesterday, my computer keeps popping up an alert from McAfee that a trojan has been automatically blocked and removed. And I mean it is popping up every 4-8 seconds. So what does that mean? Does the trojan (whatever that is) keep trying to eat my computer? I've run 3 different virus scans and each time it happily says, "No viruses found!" I had an online chat with a McAfee specialist last night and was told it is a virus, to run the scans to double check and then pay them $89.95 to fix the virus. But what if the scans are saying the computer is clean? This is way out of my non-literate computer realm!

And then this morning, there was a "suspected case of lice" at my daughter's school. Two cases actually, a brother and a sister in different classes. My daughter is not in either of those classes, but each class rotates through the different rooms for craft, music, etc. However, today was my turn to volunteer and I was in the room where the girl was. Ugh.

Immediately upon finding out what was going on, I was itchy from head to toe. I mean, even my knee caps were itchy. I wasn't anywhere near the little girl, but what if those suckers can jump across a classroom? What if they can jump down the hallway and get my daughter?

We both have long hair so I am a nervous wreck. Clothes are in the washer; we headed straight to the shower. I used the hairdryer on both of us - for way longer than I needed to. Those things hate heat, I thought. My daughter kept bugging me, "Mommy, it is hot, how much longer?" and I just kept drying her already-dry-hair. I'm sure both of us need about 6 inches cut off the ends now from me frying our hair for too long. Then I thought, "Alcohol. Everything hates alcohol." So I squirted hairspray all over my hair. Checked to make sure it actually has alcohol - first ingredient. Yippee. Squirted some more. Got down to the roots and squirted some more. Looked at my daughter but spared her 3 year old hair from the hairspray. Nevermind the fact that if the bugs do appear on me, I'll never see them since I am now sporting a birds-nest-do. Birds nests are in style now, right? It is spring after all!

Last year when my son was in kindergarten, we got the dreaded lice letter 3 times. Luckily, he never got it. But getting itchy about all this today took me back about a year....

We were having a nice family dinner in Pizza Hut. Our son was proudly using his Book-It to get his free pizza. It was quite crowded. Suddenly, I look at his hair and I gasp. I look around to make sure no one is looking at me (didn't know how loud that gasp was) - and then I quietly lean across the table and had this converstion with my husband:

Me: "Uh, honey - I think we have a MAJOR problem."
Him: "Why, what's wrong?"
Me: "I think he has lice. Like millions of them."
Him: "Seriously?"
Me: "Yes, all over the back of his head. What do they look like?"
Him: "I don't know, I've never seen them."
Me: "Are they yellowish-white?"
Him: "Yeah, I think so."
Me: "Crap." I wonder if I should feel his head.
Him: "Well don't they say you can't pick them out without a special comb?"
Me: "Yeah, I think that's what that letter said."
Him: "Well, see if you can pick them out."
Me: "Seriously? You want me to touch that crap?" I'm wondering how he read my mind and I am now completely itchy from head to toe.
Him: "What else is there to do?"
Me: "I don't know, there's got to be something."
Him: "Just see if you can get them out."
Of course I am the lucky one sitting by him.
Me: "Crap." I reach up, my hand pulls away from his head, I talk myself into it and slowly touch his head. "It is coming off."
Him: "Seriously?"
Me: "Yes, it is just brushing right off."
Him: "Luke, let me see your hands."
He shows his dad his hands, he is covered in that breadstick cheesy stuff they put on top of it.
We both sighed a huge sigh of relief.

Who said parenting isn't hard?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

There is always hope

We found out last night about a local teen suicide. I am devastated. I don't personally know the boy, but my heart aches for his parents. I don't know them either, but as a parent..... well my heart is crushed for them.

I remember when I was a teenager. The world was one heck of a roller coaster and at times I felt like I was just barely hanging on. So many emotions, problems, issues all crammed into an adult-sized-body that is quite hormonal - but yet still a child.

Looking at things from a different perspective now - from a parent's point of view - it is hard to fully grasp how to let the kids know that they are "okay". That they are more than okay. That it doesn't matter what others think, that God made them special and they don't have to change who they are to be cool, and that their friends really aren't that smart and they don't have to listen to them.

Did I care what my parents thought when I was a kid? Quite frankly, not really. I was much more worried about what my peers thought. How does parental influence go from being the center of a child's world to being the last thing on that child's list?

I see it happening already. Our son is in 1st grade and he is already bringing home "bad habits". He lays in bed at night and will tell me the ins and outs of school, what So-And-So was doing, and how he can't do it as well as they can and how that's not fair and it makes him feel bad.

Every night my answer is the same: "You are special. God made you - YOU! He did not make you So-And-So. There are certain things that only you can do for God, and no one else will be able to do those things as well as you can. We just have to figure out what that is. God does have plans for you. They are big plans and they are good plans. And He needs you to be just who you are in order for those plans to happen."

Typically at the end of that conversation, he will say, "Thank you mommy, you are the best! I love you so much!"

I will never get tired of having that conversation. I just hope he starts to believe me. I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt that God is good - and that there is always hope in Jesus.

No matter what is going on in this crazy roller coaster world.

Monday, April 19, 2010

I'm entering bloggy-land

Well I guess I will welcome myself to the Land of Blog. Not sure why I am starting now; for years I have heard the suggestions to start blogging in order to remember the interesting-happenings of life. "Not me", I thought "I don't know much about this computer stuff. Isn't it a little scary to post your life on the internet? Besides, I have a journal. Of course I will write down all the cute things the kids say and do to keep for all eternity!"

Fast forward 3 years and my journal has all blank pages since then. Sigh. I always have the best intentions but somehow life gets in the way. At the end of the day when I should be writing all the cute things down I am faced with temptation: the couch. Ah, the couch. It is just so comfy and the TV won't stop calling my name. And so I fall to temptation almost every night - and the journal stays blank. If I were smart, I'd keep the journal by the couch. But that thought has never crossed my mind until now. Hum. And what a good thought it is.... I'm always a day late and a dollar short with everything! Darn aging mind of mine!

And so I will see how this goes.... maybe just maybe I will actually follow through with this idea.
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