It's all downhill from here

Emma came home from school and said, "Mommy, I think I have a little crush on Ben."

"Oh! Tell me about it", I said.

"NO!!! Mommy! Stop it!! You're embarrassing me!" and she ran into the living room, away from me. She would've kept running if there wasn't a wall I think. Instead she plopped down on the couch.

I was left standing in the kitchen, all by myself.

Because there's nothing like embarrassing a 5 year old in her own home with no witnesses. Just ask the 5 year old with a crush.

Stay-at-home-mom? Yeah, right!

I have technically been a stay-at-home-mom for some time. Even while I was working, I stayed home 99% of the time and worked 1% of the time. That probably explains why I didn't make the minimum production requirements at my old job. Whoops!

But Joe and I decided a long time ago that I would stay home if we had kids. I was 100% commission in my old job, so any money that I made was "fun money" - we always budgeted just on Joe's salary. Joe doesn't make a ton of money - he is just a school teacher. But he is a school teacher on the top of the salary scale already (how is it possible he's been teaching for 19 years already?!?! WHAT?!!), and considering I was a financial advisor.... well, we make it work.

I lost my job not even a year ago. But the timing was all messed up. I trudged through all those years of being a 1% worker but lost it right before Emma started kindergarten. What can I say - my timing is always perfect. ha.

Emma is only half day kindergarten this year. But many people are already asking me, "So what do you do with all your free time?" and "What will you do next year when Emma is in school all day?"

Before kindergarten started, I really wasn't sure. Now that we are a month into school, I am realizing that 'stay-at-home-mom' is a myth. A dirty, evil MYTH!

Where are my bon-bons and soap operas? Aren't I entitled to those?!?!?

I am RARELY home. Lately, it seems like I am never home.

I've gotten involved in the PTO. Oh boy. They keep me busy.

I'm going to be volunteering in both Luke and Emma's classrooms. Kind of like a teacher's aide - for Luke's class, I will run copies and do bulletin boards, etc. For Emma's class, I will actually be IN the class just like a teacher's aide, hands-on with the kids.

I've gotten involved with volunteer things at the church. Chair of one board, member of another. Co-leader of a ministry. I've got big ideas that somehow got approved - and now I've got a boatload of work to do. This is good, though... I get to use my mind again! Yahooey!!

Hockey. Soccer. Joe's football. (He's a coach.) Emma is trying cheerleading.

I babysit the neighbor boy every Thursday.

Running to the schoool for PTO stuff. Target. The grocery store. Going to Walmart - and then SWEARING I'll NEVER go there again.

When I am home: dishes. I swear, the dishes overtake me. Laundry. I'm buried in it. Dog hair. Let's just say it's disgusting if I don't sweep every day.

Homework. School parties. Birthday parties.

Trying to spend time with the family. Riding bikes, playing games, having dance parties. All that memory building stuff. Funny, I don't remember one thing about my mom doing laundry or dishes... I know she did them - but I just don't remember that...

Getting the kids on the bus. Getting the kids off the bus. Making breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Cleaning up after breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Oh yeah. I'm a wife too.

And lately, I've been a stink bug and spider catcher. Those goofy things want to be somewhere warm for winter I guess. But seriously, do they have to pick my house?? I swear there is an open invitation to all their friends to bombard our dining room.

I'd love to be a *real* stay-at-home-mom right about now. I have big things on my to-do list that are - well, still there:

Steaming the carpets.
Cleaning the windows.
Getting totally caught up on laundry.
Getting the laundry basket out of the family room.
Fixing the dining room chandelier.
Going through the mismatched toys to find out what goes where.
Fixing broken toys.
Getting all the dust off of the bathroom fan.
Eating bon-bons.
Watching soaps.

A girl can dream.....

I don't wear underwear

I took Luke shopping the other day to pick up a few clothes. Shopping with a boy is what I would imagine putting a diaper on a pig might be like. Clothes shopping with a boy - well, there really are no words to describe it.

He was picky about some of the shirts he wanted - or didn't want. But he also wanted to hurry and get himself out of the miserable-ness of it all.

"Can we go now?"
"Almost, you need underwear."
"Underwear?" he asks, almost mortified that his mother just said the word underwear.
"Yes, underwear. Please come over here and pick some out."

After carefully surveying the store to make sure there was no one within several miles that he might know, he went to the underwear aisle. With his mom.

Luke is at a funny stage. He's 8. Some of his underwear still have superheroes and Star Wars on them. But he is 8. He *might* be too old for that stuff. Maybe. He looks at the ones with pictures on them. Puts them back. Picks them up again. Puts them back. Finds some gray and black ones that are boxer briefs. He has never seen anything like that before.

"These are cool. I guess." and he puts them in the cart. Hides them actually, under other things I have in there. Thankfully we were at Target and we had the opportunity to have a cart - I shudder to think if his mom actually had to carry his underwear through the store. ha.

A few days later, we are in the car and the neighbor is with us. The neighbor GIRL. I hear him say, "Guess what? I don't wear underwear anymore."

"Luke!" I say as I almost wreck.

"I don't!" he answers me and a little quieter tells her, "Now I wear underwear pants!"

I guess this whole privacy thing is overrated anyway. Not to mention that they are technically underwear shorts, not pants. ha.

Just for kicks

Emma had her first soccer game today. She loved it! She ran around the field with this HUGE smile on her face the whole time. It was too cute. She even got her foot on the ball a few times.

I didn't get any pictures because it was pouring down rain. Which of course made it even more fun for the kids!

This was a tough decision for Emma. The rule around here is that the kids can pick one thing to do at a time. She really weighed her options for some time and had it narrowed down to soccer or gymnastics.

I'm glad she picked soccer after seeing that smile on her face today!

I feel like there should be a punchline here: Soccer shoes - $$, smile - priceless.

But.... the shoes were free so I can't even make that comment. Of course there is a story though....

On Thursdays, the soccer association has a skills session that is open to all players. So of course we wait until Thursday morning to get Emma's soccer shoes. We go to the sporting goods store, she tries on a pair that are one size too big, but says they are comfy and she runs around the store to prove her point. She picks out pink soccer socks and we are good to go.

They get off the bus Thursday afternoon. The neighbor boy gets off the bus here with them on Thursdays. So they were busy playing with him.

It was getting late and his parents weren't here yet so I was trying to get my kids ready to go to soccer practice. I ask them if they want to eat dinner before soccer or after soccer. They both quickly say, "After!" and continue playing with the neighbor.

I call Emma back and tell her to get her soccer stuff. She *got* it - and then dumped it in the living room. I said - a little louder this time - "Get your soccer stuff ON!"

She gets a snack instead. I say, "Emma, get it ON! You wanted to eat after soccer, it's almost time to go! You don't have time to eat now!"

In the meantime, the neighbor comes to pick up her son. As she is there, Luke is making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and Emma is eating yogurt.

She leaves. "IT IS TIME TO GO! GET YOUR SOCCER STUFF ON RIGHT NOW EMMA!" screams some crazy lady who looks and sounds just like me.

She tries, but then says, "I can't get it on!"

"Get over here!" I say - admittedly a little too loud, I mean perhaps I was trying to talk to the neighbor who just left and is now 2 doors down??

I help her get the stuff on. At least I *tried* to help.

Well, let me tell you, soccer stuff is hard to get on. I put the shin guards on but when I tried to pull the pink socks up over the shin guards the shin guards would go up over her knees. And I had very little patience left at this point so I was *really* struggling with this stupid soccer equipment.

Not to mention I'm trying to have a persuasive political speech with a 5 year old about how important it is to get to soccer on time and soccer is starting in 2 minutes and we are at least 5 minutes away and we are never going to make it on time and why were you eating a yogurt when you should've been getting your soccer equipment on??!!

I finally get those goofy shin guards and socks on and it's time for the shoes.

"OW!" Emma squirms. "Those shoes hurt my feet!"

"Emma, these are the shoes you just bought today, knock it off. Put your shoes on!"

"I can't!"

Here we go again.

"Let me do it, for crying out loud!"

"OW! They hurt my feet!"

It is then that I realize the stupid soccer socks are thicker than the socks she had on at the store this morning.

Crap.

"Luke, go in the garage and get your old soccer shoes."

Luke goes to the garage for a split second - and I mean, he's lucky if it was even a split - "I can't find my old soccer shoes."

"Luke, they are there, your sister has on your old shin guards which she just got out of the garage and were next to the shoes. GET ME THE SHOES!"

The shoes magically appear from the garage, landing in his hands.

I look at them. They are a size 1. Emma's shoes that are too small are an 11. A 1 will never fit. So being the sane, totally in control mother that I am at this very moment, I throw the shoes.

Now before you call CYS on me, I didn't throw them *at* anyone. I actually threw them down the steps toward the garage.

"IN THE CAR, NOW! BOTH OF YOU!" I scream.

"Where are we going?"

"Soccer practice!"

"But I have no shoes!" Little Miss says between sobs.

"Emma, you are already 5 minutes late to soccer, but we are going to get you new shoes at the store and you WILL go to soccer practice!"

"But what do I wear now?"

"I don't care, get something on those feet and LET'S GO!"

She grabs flip flops. You know this is going to get even worse.

I call the store while in the car on the way there. "Hello, can I help you?"

"I bought soccer shoes for my daughter today and they are too small. They are XYZ brand, black and pink, and I need a size 12. She is already late for practice, so could you please have those at the front of the store, I will be there in 2 minutes."

"Please hold for the shoe department."

"They're not in the shoe department, they are in the soccer department."

"Sorry, ma'am, please hold for the soccer department."

"Hello, shoe department, can I help you?"

Seriously?!?!? I tell him my story. "Sorry, ma'am, I can't help you, please hold for the soccer department."

On hold I go. Again. Nice elevator music, really. But I'm in your darn parking lot now already! I hang up the phone and grab the kids out of the van.

While in the van, my very late soccer girl has taken off her soccer socks and shinguards to get her flip flops on. I FLIPPED!

Now I am trying to have a political persuasion speech with a 5 year old about how important it is to get to soccer on time and soccer started 10 minutes ago and we are at least 5 minutes away and we are never going to make it on time and why were you taking your soccer equipment off when you should've kept it on because it is so hard to get on??!!

IN THE SPORTING GOODS STORE! And let's just say I was not in the mother-of-the-year-tone-of-voice either. I know people are staring me down but I am on a mission to find these %@#&*! shoes!

We march to the soccer department. They have no 12's. Of course they don't. So we hustle to the front of the store. I apologize to the 18 year old cashier and tell her, "I know this is not your fault but I am really mad because these soccer shoes don't fit even though they fit this morning and now I have to return them and you don't have a bigger size and she is already 10 minutes late for practice and I don't know what I'm going to do now! Grrrrrrrr!"

Yes, I think I actually growled at her.

She half way smiles and says, "Then you'd like to return these then?"

Yes. Please. Take me out of my misery, cute little 18 year old cashier girl.

Emma starts to cry. "But I have no soccer shoes! How can I go to practice?"

"OH, we are GOING! You have never played before, you will sit there and watch and learn so you know how to PLAY SOCCER!"

So we get there. Finally. There are literally no less than one million 5 year olds running around on the field. And one coach. God bless that coach, I am telling you what. We sit down to watch.

"Hey!" Emma says, "There's Alex playing soccer over there on that field!" Swoon. Swoon. Alex is the love of her life who is 8 and plays on Luke's hockey team.

"EMMA! WATCH THE PRACTICE ON THIS FIELD, NOT OVER THERE!"

Now the soccer moms are looking at me the same way the people were in the sporting goods store. Oh. Good. Grief. People! Have you never had one of those days??

So we watch the less than 30 minutes that are left in practice and head home for dinner. Joe gets home from football practice a few minutes after we get home. We sit down to the family dinner I had made ahead of time. Of course it doesn't heat up well and tastes like crap. Of course it does.

Later I tell Joe that I am done with these soccer shoes and he's going to have to take her shopping at the other sporting goods store in town. He says, "Hey Luke, go get your old soccer shoes." "They're too big" I tell him, being the know-it-all that I am.

Luke gets the soccer shoes. "Come here, Emma" Joe says calmly. He puts them on.

They fit. Emma says, "Ooooo! They feel so good!" and she runs around the dining room table.

Of course they do.

Of course.

And we all lived happily ever after and Emma had a smile on her face the entire time she played soccer and the shoes fit perfectly and didn't even fall off in the rain.

Oh yeah - and I had a glass of wine and lived happily ever after too. :)

Note to self: Soccer shoes run small. Very very small.

3 in a Row!

Luke had his first hockey game of the fall session tonight. This is his 6th session of deck hockey. The sessions last about 12 weeks or so and there is one in the spring, one in the summer, and one in the fall.

He loves hockey. It's all he wants to do. He even has mini hockey nets set up in the family room and will play hockey - by himself - for hours. Then he'll go outside and play on the driveway with his big hockey net for a few more hours.

When he grows up he wants to be better than Sidney Crosby. He doesn't realize that means he needs to get out of his tennis shoes and into ice skates. I'm not breaking that news to him since I've heard ice hockey runs $1,000 a session!

But he is doing really well - if I do say so myself. He seems to be a natural. And tonight he scored his first hat trick!

Way to go, baby!

Of course it's not about *just* scoring goals - but it sure is fun when you do ;)

Happy Back-to-School Day!

Remember those Staples commercials where the parents were school shopping with their kids as they were singing, "It's the most wonderful time of the year..."?

Today's the day. I'm all alone. It's not so wonderful. I'm bored.

I'm walking around the house wondering what to do with myself. Dishes. Laundry. Sweep the floors. Clean the bathrooms. Find that TV remote that has apparently walked out of the living room and is hiding, obviously somewhere really good.

I can hear a pin drop. I'm not used to this. The silence kind of hurts my ears. I can hear the wind blow and the birds chirp. Huh. Who knew.

We've been practicing our morning routine. My kids are not early risers, so I've been waking them up early to 'get ready for school'. But they still stuck around all day.

This morning, they popped out of bed at an unusually early hour. The best laid plans... my morning routine now was backwards.

But we made it.

Luke got on the bus just before 9. He wanted to play sick already. I guess the excitement of school is gone by 3rd grade - or so he wants me to believe. But I know better :)

He was quite silly - and just a bit excited. Shhhh....don't tell him I let that secret out.






Of course I was not allowed to get a picture of him getting on the bus - oh the horrors to have a mother! - so this is the best I got. Still got in trouble for this shot, "MOM! What are you DOING? Put that thing away, what if someone sees you doing that?!?!" I should've picked him up in a big bear hug and slathered kisses all over him at that very moment. tee, hee....



Emma has kindergarten in the afternoon, so she was ready for some alone time. We played Trouble with 2 of her stuffed animals and SEVERAL games of Uno. It was 10:00 and she asked me if it was lunch time yet so she could go to kindergarten. We passed some time, had our lunch (she barely ate -okay, neither did I!), and then - It. Was. Time.

Fear. Her eyes got really big, I could tell she was holding back tears. "I decided I don't want to go to kindergarten afterall. I'll just stay here with you, okay?" I assured her she'd have fun and she'd be home before she had time to miss me.

She got her backpack and we walked to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus. Very slowly. Maybe if she walked slow enough she'd miss the bus.

She was none the wiser, we were 10 minutes early.

Being early is not good when you are nervous. "Where is that bus, mommy? Is it a big bus or a little bus? Who is my bus driver? What if - what if - what if I get lost??!!!"



Then it came. That big scary yellow monster pulled up to our driveway and looked - well, not so scary. Maybe, just maybe, it was going to be okay?






So they're gone. I meant to get the mail after I put Emma on the bus. But as soon as I had that thought, I forgot it. I guess my mind was a little preoccupied. Just a bit. Instead, I walked back up the driveway, fighting the tears that somehow my daughter had passed on to me.

I didn't know tears were contagious.

World Peace

I found the solution to world peace today. From the back seat of my van, of all places.

As we were driving today, enjoying our last school-free day together, out of the blue Luke says, "Mom, I wish people didn't have to shoot each other."

Me: "WHAT?!?!?"

Luke: "You know, like in the army. It's so sad that they have to have wars and kill each other. I wish they could just talk about their problems instead of shooting."

(From a boy who will make a gun out of a tree branch.)

Me: "Yes, honey, me too."

Luke: "If I were President Obama, I'd tell the people to stop having wars and just talk about their problems."

Me: "Well, President Obama might say that but there might be other world leaders who say no, they don't want to talk, they want to fight."

Luke: "Oh. That's sad."

Me: "Yes, honey, it is."

Luke: "Well if I were President Obama and I said that and people still wanted to fight, I STILL wouldn't fight."

Me: "You wouldn't? Well, how would you protect your country from the guys who DID want to fight?"

Luke: "I'd just say, 'If you don't want to talk about our problems, then let's wrestle. Whoever gets wrestled down to the ground loses.' And we wouldn't have any more wars!!"

He was so proud of his solution. SO. Proud.

So Mr. President.... how are your wrestling skills???!!!