I've been in a bit of a slump lately. I hate slumps. They seem to be so easy to slip into - but quite difficult to climb out of. I've had a lot of stress lately - and my breaking-out-teenage-looking face proves it. Why on earth do 37 year olds still get pimples anyway??? At least it only happens when I get stressed. But I digress...
About a month ago, we got a call from our adoption agency. They sometimes pair up with another agency. The other agency had a baby who was born premature with a ton of problems, mainly caused by poor choices of the birthmother. Poor baby. He was in Children's Hospital fighting for his life. She wanted to know if we would be interested in finding out more information. We said yes and got our list of questions together.
The other agency never even responded to our request for more information - questions like: how was the baby responding to medical treatment he was currently receiving? Not a peep. I guess we were asking too many questions. Perhaps they found an adoptive family who didn't ask as many questions as we did. I can only hope.
I had no idea domestic adoption would be so difficult. This was our third "opportunity" and I am beginning to get exhausted with the process.... Saying that, we know that God isn't going to give the child who is meant to be in our family - our child - to anyone else. And we know He isn't going to give us anyone else's child.
But it doesn't make all these ups and downs - all the hope we put into these opportunities thinking this *could* be our child - any easier. We accept opportunities, praying for God to close the doors if it's not meant to be.... and those doors keep getting closed. Sigh.
And then a couple weeks ago, I got a call from my boss: "Amy, this is the call I never wanted to make..." Yep, I lost my job. I kind of say 'lost' as loosely as I can.... honestly, it's been lost for some time. Since the kids have come home, I have worked less than part time - hardly ever - as I've stayed home full time with my kids.
But my job was a job that I could work part time and I always thought I'd be able to keep it in my back pocket until the kids went to school. I was 100% commission, so I didn't make much, but I still made some from time to time. Thankfully, we don't need my income to live on. But it did get us to Disney! Twice!
I honestly didn't think they could drop me. But they said it is now company policy that they are not going to have part time people anymore. And I am not going full time at this point in my life. I already have a full-time job: my kids.
So I am saying goodbye to 15 years of my life. I imagine this is what a divorce feels like... I've had this job that has kind of been a pain in my behind for some time - but now that it is leaving me, I kind of want it back.
I obviously wasn't able to manage it effectively while staying home with my kids. I've been toying with the idea for years to just walk away from it. But now that it's gone, I'm kind of sad.
I was talking with my dad about all of this and he told me that there are better things around the corner - so bring on that corner!!! I am more than ready for it!
I am so glad that I have my faith through all this. Although I am down, I am not defeated. And the joy of the Lord supercedes my circumstantial sadness. Thank you Jesus! And if I may ask, dear Jesus, please, pretty please - can that corner come rather quickly?!!?!