I'm a stay at home mom. I shouldn't complain. I want to be here. Really I do. I chose to be here. Really I did. But wow - the ruts I get stuck in sometimes. Yuck.
My brain is beyond mommy-brain. I can't complete a coherent thought half the time. I wouldn't be surprised if I asked a random (adult) stranger if he or she has to go potty.
What is my life besides laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning? Yuck, yuck, yuck - and yuck. Some days I literally wander aimlessly around my house wondering if I really need to do it all. Again.
So as I was wondering as I was wandering today, I lost track of time. Actually, not really. The bus came home a few minutes early. Usually I am waiting for the bus a few minutes early, just in case. But not today. Today I was in la la land.
The bus stops at the end of the driveway. We don't have a very long driveway. Totally walkable for a 10 year old and a 6 year old. I usually walk it with them - or at least wait outside the front door and wave while they are getting off the bus.
But today I didn’t hear the bus come. No waiting mommy, no waving mommy. They walked up the driveway by themselves. I got to the front door just before they got there, so they saw me just before they came in the house. They were kind of hyper. Luke was like, “Oh my goodness, I thought you were at your new job and we were going to have to be here by ourselves!” Emma was like, “Oh my gosh, me too!”
So I *might* have told them yesterday during my Pity Party For Myself that I should just get a job and get them up at 6 in the morning, take them to daycare, let daycare do their homework with them after school and I’d see them around 6:00 every night. You know – the mature way of dealing with my stuck-in-a-rut-not-being-appreciated-by-anyone lousy-ness.
And no - I am not bashing working moms. Not at all. There are honestly times when I wished I worked and could still use my brain!
Anyway. Luke thought I meant that job was happening today. So I apologized:
“Yeah, about that... well, I’m not really going to get a job, I am glad I can be here with you guys in the morning and when you get off the bus. It’s just that mommy sometimes feels a little, well... not appreciated.”
“What does that mean, mommy?”
“Well, it would be nice to have you guys tell me thank you sometimes.”
“Um. Well. It’s just that I feel stuck in a rut, do you know what that means?”
“It means that I feel like I do the same thing all the time and well, that’s not that fun sometimes.”
Emma: “But mommy, you know how to have fun. When we go on the cruise, you eat ice cream every day!”
Yep, yep I did. Yes WE did. I'm quite sure I had my camera in one hand and ice cream in the other at the very moment this picture was taken, as a matter of fact. Hello ice cream machine on the cruise, I sure do miss you!
Life through a child's eyes: there are no ruts, whatever they are. But ice cream will make it all better. And mom better be there when we get off the bus.
Okay, my precious children. I am listening. I will be there when the bus comes home tomorrow. And now I'm going to have some ice cream now that you are tucked safely in your beds for the night :)